It's day one back to school and I already want to go home. I think it's because I want to really take some time off to work on myself. I don't quite know exactly what I want to better myself right now, but I'll know eventually.
Last week was Spring break for me. It was crap. I'm not going to lie. It was filled with drama and brain-raking attempts to complete homework. I got my English essay done yesterday, and barely managed to memorize 3 lines out of 21 from my soliloquy. I haven't had much inspiration to work on my documentary, but I have some ideas that I can't utilize just yet because I'm not mentally fit for the challenge at the moment. Italian class is killing me with the Italian landmarks and history project, only because of the essay I'm to do for that. I'll find a way to get that done before tomorrow (I hope).
But anyways.. I'm going to venture away from school stuff and just go with whatever now.
So I thought I was well on my way to self-recovery. Then things came to a halt and then went spiraling downwards again. Ugh! I can't take much more of the abuse I put myself through, but I can't help it because it's a big chunk of my life, of who I am. What the hell am I to do?
Yeah, yeah. I know all that. "Let go." "Move on." Blah, blah, blah. I've heard it over and over again. I just can't let it go completely. I don't know why, but I just can't. It's not possible because it's something that's a part of me. Am I to live with the pain forever though? I don't know. All I know is that I can't give it up because then I'll be losing the only thing that's ever made sense to me. Oy.. I'm just rambling now and I have no idea what the point of this post was, but I just needed to vent a little. I'll try to update again soon.
-Kat
kat-you sound a bit stressed....like you just want a break from life. i know how you feel. at least you have people who love you and care about your life. dont get too worked up over it all. we all have problems.
ReplyDeletehmm...by the way, are you going to continue posting even after the terms over? i hope you do. ill want to make sure that youre okay later on. =] just to let you know, i pretty much look up to you like...an older sister. i want to make sure you dont end up hurting yourself all that much.
-justine