EARGASM: Plain White T's - "My Only One"
What do you do when the one person you've spent your whole life with decides to one day abandon you? How do you even begin to let go of all that you shared? How do you move on from that person whom you have shared all your most intimate moments with? These are just some of the pending questions I have been dwelling upon for the longest time now.
I know there are ways to vent about things like this. I know there are methods I could take to let out some of the emotions I have pent up inside. I know all this and all that people tell me. But as most of you all know by now, I let out my emotions in a very destructive way (refer to The Life Around Me - February 11, 2oo9). Judge me. I don't care. I did what I did because it's an addiction I have, an illness that I have to battle on my own. But this goes against what I believe in. I contradict my causes and beliefs when I hurt myself. Whenever I do something so grotesquely deadly to myself, I think of how I'm hurting, rebelling against TWLOHA.
To Write Love On Her Arms... a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide (all of which apply to me). TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.
To Write Love On Her Arm's vision believes that:
o1. You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live in life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.
o2. We live in a difficult world, a broken world. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.
o3. We all wake to the human condition. We wake to the mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.
o4. You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.
o5. Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.
The vision is:
that community, hope and help would replace secrets and silence.
people putting down guns, blades and bottles.
that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.
the we would learn what is means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.
better endings.
the restoration of broken families and broken relationships.
people finding life, finding freedom, finding love.
people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.
the possibility that your best days are ahead.
the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.
hope, and hope is real.
I have been a member of the nationwide organization To Write Love On Her Arms for at least 2 years now, and I feel even worse than I did before because of the harm I bring to myself. I am a hypocrite and I acknowledge that fact in it's entirety. I know I should stop, and I have been for a few weeks now, but that doesn't stop how susceptible I am to getting hooked on another lethal drug. It's just how I work; I am a person that follows, and is ruled by, my emotions 100% of the way.
-Kat
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